Lenore "Free Range Kids" Skenazy is my hero. Her controversial article in the NY Sun about allowing her 9-year-old to take the subway in NYC resonated with me. As a college prof, I see first-hand the results of over-parenting in helpless students needing to be handheld, spoon-fed and experiencing great anxiety over every challenge, disappointment and instance of bewilderment. "What should I do?" they decry, and I wonder how many times their parents replied with, "Just figure it out". My teaching -and life - mentor Danielle Van Dreunen told me she tried never to tell her son what to do. Moms: you know what a herculean task this is.
One of Lenore's most popular blogs is about how cell phones turn us all into babies. "I'll be home in 2 minutes." "I'm nearly home" "I'm getting groceries", and her refrain of "Don't call me from the car because you're bored" rings true. Best of all is her story of her 11-year-old son calling her five minutes after she left for work asking if he could have a piece of banana bread. I'M NOT HOME, she replied. Have chocolate and marshmallows. Have a vodka smoothie. Enjoy your GD freedom!
"Pretend it's the 90s and I'm unreachable."
I want that on a t-shirt.
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I thought I invented the term Free-Range Kids in a blog I wrote about kids being brought to adult concerts a year ago. But mine was not such a positive connotation.
ReplyDeleteIt's true... encouraging problem solving seems to be a lost art. (Like there's an app for that.)
Hey ArtSnoop/Lin, I remember that post. More about kids running free where they shouldn't be, right? An app for problem solving: love it. Maybe a modern-day 'Magic Eight Ball'. Ha!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Honey....I'll be home in 5 minutes. I'd have told you sooner but my phone died. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! It inspired me to write about my own experiences as a "free-range kid": http://meganstacey.tumblr.com/post/3276221461
ReplyDeleteI REALLY hope I wasn't one of helpless spoonfed students you mentioned...
I couldn't agree with you more. I love the last bit -- have a vodka smoothie. I remember making lots of those when the ol' parents weren't there (hope they're not reading this ...) It certainly never occurred to me to ASK!
ReplyDeleteGreat article Kathy. As a single dad, me and my two boys often engaged in risky behaviour. When my boys started to use cutlery, I included the knife -- not just a fork & spoon. I also taught them about different knives. This lead to "Yes, when it is just us, you can lick your butter knife -- it won't hurt you. When we are at a restaurant or a nice dinner, you can't."
ReplyDeleteThanksgiving at my parents for dinner, my son picked up a butter knife and a concerned relative stopped him saying knives were dangerous. Confused, my son looked to me for direction and I explained to the relative he knew how to use the knife.
After a brief discussion with my relative, I was certain I had been deemed unfit to be a parent in their mind. My son proceeded to use the knife properly and safely (rolling eyes).
Just before dessert, while I wasn't looking my son decided to do what he had done so many times before at home... lick his butter knife clean. He might as well have brought out a crack pipe and took a hit off it. After all what if he did that with a sharp steak knife and cut his tongue -- he clearly couldn't know the difference.
I was not fit to parent in this relative's eyes.
It has always struck me as funny that children are regarded as mentally inferior rather than simply people with less experience.
Thank you for the great article.
PS. Both boys still have their tongues and have never cut themselves. I should also mention, this is in spite of being taught how safely lick a steak knife later on... I hope my safety conscious relative doesn't read this blog.